When you are a parent, life never stops. No matter what, you need to care for your whānau, pay the bills, make sure the chores are done, food is on the table, the laundry is done… the list just never ends. Even when you get a cancer diagnosis.
“When they told me I had to go to Palmerston North for more than a month for treatment, I just thought ‘I haven’t got time for this’,” says breast cancer survivor and mother of two Jean Ingley. “That was the hardest thing, trying to keep the whānau sorted, get the kids to their sports, sorted for school. Life is mega busy and then when you have to deal with cancer, you just get over-whelmed, because how are you supposed to fit it all in?”
Jean found a pea-sized lump in her breast during one of the regular self-checks she used to do when having a shower. Her GP sent her for a biopsy – ‘it was just four pricks and over and done’ – and then two weeks later she received the cancer diagnosis.
“Although I had an inkling it was cancer, I was still really upset,” says Jean. “Then when I had the first operation, they found it was bigger than they had thought. Then there were three more ops before they finally got it all and I knew I was going to get to keep my boob.”
Jean then began four rounds of chemotherapy, which took 12 weeks to complete.
“My hair was down to my bum and within a week of the first chemo dose I was losing it in chunks in the shower,” she says. “It got to the point where I was so depressed about it, I was on the phone to my younger sister holding the shavers and thought ‘I’m going to do it’ and I shaved it all off.
“The little kids (Ahmera, 6, and Kymani, 8) got home from school and I was wearing a beanie, and they were going ‘Did you shave your head, Mum!’. I’d run out of a sick leave, I’d run out of annual leave, I’d had to leave my job, I felt awful, I was scared, I didn’t know how we were going to cope. I’d just had enough.” (Jean is also Mum to Keisha and Jziah).
Donna Akariri (Kaiarahi) and Toni-Ann Beekmans (Registered Nurse) from the Tui Ora Cancer Navigation service
But Jean wasn’t alone in her journey – Toni-Ann Beekmans (Registered Nurse) and Donna Akariri (Kaiarahi) from the Tui Ora Cancer Navigation Service had been providing support, guidance and a much-needed good laugh from the start.
“They are straight-up, just like me, and they don’t mess about – it’s straight to the point and honesty all the way,” says Jean. “They were my sounding board and gave me someone to talk things out with. You can say things to them you’d never say to your whānau, or your partner, and that’s gold, having someone there who isn’t going to judge, who can help you sort your head out.
“And they aren’t afraid to laugh. When you have a cancer diagnosis, people don’t know what to say and think they shouldn’t make jokes or laugh cos it’s a pretty crap situation. But you need a good laugh to keep everything in perspective and Toni-Ann and Donna definitely help with that!
“Don’t get me wrong, the whole thing was tough, but it would have been even tougher without them.”
At the completion of the chemo, doctors carried out an assessment and found a small dot in a lymph node which meant four weeks of radiation therapy in Palmerston North.
“I was just like no, I can’t do it, what about the kids, but Toni-Ann and Donna, they really helped me to see that it was possible and gave us so much support,” says Jean. “Like practical support too – food parcels and some financial support to fix my teeth (chemotherapy can be damaging to teeth). They also organised things like mirimiri (Māori massage) which was lovely.
“They not only helped take a load off my shoulders, but they also helped the whole family.
Jean completed her radiation treatment, spending two hours on a bus each way so she could come home at weekend to see her children and partner, Zion.
She has since been given all clear as the treatment has been successful.
“I would tell anyone – and I do – who is dealing with cancer to give the service at Tui Ora a call,” she says. “They are awesome in what they do.”